I am The Shai.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Aging Scattered-ly

Sigh. If I could only blog like before and pen my thoughts like before.

Here I am, sitting (not front of my own laptop) and typing away with many thoughts abound but lacking the motivation to type.

What am I doing instead? I'm clearing my email. The lazy ass that I am. Tons of email which I never delete. Bleah. And now, they've amounted to a mountain's high worth.

Anyways, all that aside.

It's been close to a month and a half since I became an adult.
How does it feel?

Not much different actually, only with a slightly heavier shoulder.
Mainly due to this thing called Responsibility.

"He needs to smile more," said Siti yesterday while I was within hearing distance.

Sometimes, I don't even realize there's a frown or a serious appearance on my face.
Do I blame it all on turning older? That I've grown grumpier? Beats me.

I thought I'm only "serious" when it boils down to work. Like during trainings. Gosh. I need to let go during trainings. Instead, I get all pent up and irritated by the perennial late coming and not-sms-ing-to-tell-you-coming-anot.

Doing what I love isn't exactly an easy task. A lot of things to manage, a lot of feelings to comfort. But doesn't hold me back from loving it.

Golly gees. If only you know what runs through me when I'm writing that piece of dialogue or when I'm feeling the character or even the joy in knowing someone somehow has heard of us.

See, I need to write like this more. My thoughts are all scattered. They're not as structured. All over the place. See. I'm repeating what I just said. Scattered and all over the place, they're the same friggin' thing.


On the contrary, I'm fine, thank you.


Blogger ctczara said...

actually, i din say that. it was more like... "why's he look so serious?" AND THEN i said "you need to smile more". HAHA. you sound emo. you ok? yea i know you said "I'm fine, thank you." but it sounds half-hearted.. well you know what WILL HELP?! SOME 5-6 SCOOPS OF BEN AND (his gay partner) JERRY's!! either that or you can join judo and just throw ppl. i swear it really let's my pent up energy and frustration go not to mention, soothe the sadist in me. nyeehee. ah weeeil, i spose yer aren't such a physical paerson, yer prraefer ter use preitty werds and such(trying hard to go for the scottish effect here but not quite succeeding. sigh. yes i know i'm retarted). no matter how emo you get, just..stay away from suicide. you're needed here. you matter. :D aite then, before i make this any more like a novel i shall take my leave and kill History with a pen. (wahh so long.ok i am truly retarted. sorry u have to read so looong looong.quack.)

Tuesday, February 27, 2007


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