I am The Shai.

Friday, November 24, 2006

The Brain and the Other Worldly-ness

While the past few days have been tiresome despite not being there at different intervals, I'm glad that at least my BRAIN is being utilized by the nation.
The past few weeks have not just been about menial tasks but some important ones (or so I'd like to think).
I'm thankful though that I'm getting to exercise my BRAIN again lest my IQ had dropped tremendously. Still, there is no guarantee yet that this might last, but whatever awaits me in the real world, I will still persevere for, regardless.

Quite honestly, after talking with a friend, the realisation that I'm probably wasting my time in this "other life", has sunk in. Thing is, when "work" ends by 6pm daily, the rest of the evening is spent doing pretty lacklustre things. Sure, I could write my scripts you say, but there is a dearth of motivation in that place and I'm not even trying to make excuses.
It'd be good to be out again, doing the things I love without the worry of this "other life". Reviewing movies like I always have, writing my scripts or even teaching. Best part, I would be better off studying, anything at all.

Having to conform, expecting everything to be of the same standard irks me sometime. The pressures of having to get things right and not allowing much room for one to learn from mistakes escalate till the extent of seeing other peers reach their breaking point. The pleasantries are slightly better now than the earlier stages but there are still the few egotistical, egomaniacal dimbulbs who think they're walking with Atlas in between their legs. Leaders? Bullshit.

Sigh. Then, there's the issue of leading a double life. I'm slowly guiding myself into the normal "me" instead of being someone who's the opposite in this "other life" of mine. Without the freedom to express myself, therein lies the unwillingness to create and this in return forces me to feel that I'd be better off living a muted life in this "other world".

Bah! I can't wait for this tenure to end. Sure, I might look back to reminisce on the good and regret the mistakes but I'm certain that looking forward will make a happier, fuller man.


Blogger Stefan S said...

welcome to the suck!

at least you got a 6 month discount :)

Monday, November 27, 2006

Blogger Lecter said...

The suck sucks lorrrr...

And where got 6 months, only weeks man!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


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